Christian Liberals Weigh In on the Virginia Quake: God Hates DOMA, CIA

Virginia and the Wrath of God“God hates DOMA!”

Progressive Christian leaders across America were quick to respond to news of Tuesday’s earthquake centered near the small town of Louisa, Virginia.

In his latest Sojourners blog, Jim Wallis said, “The Louisa Quake is a clear sign of God’s wrath on the C.I.A. in Langley and on the Imperial Hubris of Amerika.”

Wallis’ wife, Anglican priestess Joy Carroll Wallis, said the quake demonstrated “God’s displeasure with Anglo-American naughtiness during the invasion of the Falklands and in Afghanistan,” in an interview to be published in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine.

In a rare interview with Pat Robertson on the 700 Club, Peggy Campolo said, “The earthquake shows God’s unquenchable wrath against the slowness of the Obama administration to overturn DOMA.”

Tony Campolo responded on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. “Although I understand Peggy’s sentiment, I’m not sure I would go that far.”  Stewart replied, “You’re never willing to go as far as your wife–she, uh, she told me that.”

Theologian Walter Brueggemann commented, “God’s People have always understood that their God is the Judge of Nations. Accordingly, in faithfulness to the Prophetic Witness, we must attribute this earthquake to God’s redemptive work in the world and as a warning to the Principalities and Powers in Washington,” according to staff at the Cincinnati Activist.

“The Great Virginia Earthquake of 2011 is God’s judgment on the State of Virginia for the defeat of Northern general Joseph Hooker by Robert E. Lee at the Battle of Chancellorsville,” according to UCC pastor Geraldine O’Herlihy, chaplain to the 145th New York Infantry Reenactment Regiment, Inc.

Emergent pastor Brian McLaren responded by saying, “You know what, the thing that delights my heart is that there’s no way God can intervene in history without hurting somebody. I can hardly wait to see what Hurricane Irene does!”

In reply, Fred Phelps, pastor of the smallest church in Topeka, KS, posted this comment on the MSNBC website: “All this bigotry and intolerance is just more proof that no Christian should have a voice in public affairs. Everything they say is based on pure ignorance and superstitious fairytales.”

Advertisements

About Ron Goetz

Author, Widower, Grandpa, Son.
This entry was posted in Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

So what are you thinking?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s